i love both you and the german language way too much
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Sonntag, Mai 25, 2003
i have seen too many love stories for one weekend *siiiiigh* they leave me feeling all dissatisfied with the complete lack of that in my current life. *sigh* again
12:16 AM
Sonntag, Mai 18, 2003
tag sale yesterday fue muy coolo...i ran into linleigh and CONLE there which was sehr funny, but better yet i purchased a CASUAL FRIDAY PAPER DOLL BOOK, some OH SO PRETTY BLUE FABRIC left over from someones nursery curtains and such, from which i have made a rather nice-ish looking dress, a KING SIZED FITTED BEDSHEET...oh baby, i think i need say no more, and, best of all ITALIAN MONOPOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! are you shivering with the excitement?? i know i am...and its complete, at least as far as the houses, hotels, and properties go...i havent had time to check the chance and community chest cards yet. the pieces are nifty little wooden dodads...its quite extremely toll *grins* so yeah. i also got a 'nixon's the one' button, which amuses me.
10:05 PM
Donnerstag, Mai 15, 2003
i have these two sides of my personality which are constantly at war...i wish i could just pick one or the other, but instead i spend my life half-assing and feeling alternately forlorn and stressed. i like that word forlon. its a good one. i tried a few other words for sad before i settle on it. anyway, my two warring persoanlities, or maybe theyre more accurately described as desires...see i have this extreme desire to be very laid back about school and life; only doing what makes me happy, not worrying about my grades and all that,just doing what seems worthwhile to me and coming outthe other side to see where i am, without thinking and worrying about the future (and by the future i mean college, in case you couldnt tell) all the time. but then theres the other part of me, the desire to be perfect. the thing is, ieven though its ridiculous, it feels like its just within my reach,k if i worked hard enough at it. i just want to be everybodys everything; a good friend whose always there for everyone, a good person with plenty of community service and whatnot, good at whastever i was good at at bsd that made those ladys come up to me and be so delighted to confirm that i was from their church, straigh a pluses and as, a 5:50 miler, a leader of the team, the kind of nice person that everybody just likes to have around, and still myself, bc i think im damn lovable. and even though i know i probably couldnt keep that all up for more than a week or two before hitting a nervous breakdown, theres that part of me that just want s to give it a try. and so of course i pick the laid back side and thats what iaspire to be, but the damed perfection-desire keeps me from ever getti g ther, and keeps me with this vaguely sad sense that im always on the brink of shutting myself out of whatever college im thinking about that day and...wow, ive just realized that ive done a terrible job of explaining how i feel. o well. maybe ill try this one again some time. gotta go ice my knee and do my homeowrk :-D
10:23 AM
Montag, Mai 12, 2003
i feel very odd...and kinda like throwing up. i have this whole cty decision to make, whick is what i guess i was planning to write about right now, but then i went and read something and now i have this...er...problem. only, its not something i really can talk about on me blog, which is sad because i have been extremely open with the whole blog thing but i have to get this figured out...see if its just a random thing in my extreme messed-up-ed-nessor an actual thing. if it is a...thing...it might be quite...pathetic. if you know how the word pathetic has recently been in play in my life, well then this might give you some hint of something. i dunno. i should probably just stop talking in code here and get an actual journal, like, one that other people can't read...not that i really know if anyone DOES read this anymore, other than that patrick said hed seen certain stuff recently. anyway ive now just kind of had certain vague feelings of mine put into words by someone who doesnt know me, which, because of the subject matter really just makes me want to cry...like i jsut had a nebulous sense of something wrong, and now i know exactly what is wrong and it makes me feel kind of sick. thats not the only thing making me feel sick, tho, is the thing. theres also this other...problem...kind of related, kind of not. mostly related. i need to have a sleepover. actually, i need to have a series of one-on-one sleepovers with various people...actually i just need to stop talking. ARGH. now i have to make the cty decision type thing...what do i do??? i feel like this is one decision with which so few people can help me...not knowing cty, or not being nevermores...more specifically no one else is me. i think that may be a leading cause of problems in my life. urgh that was just way too appropriate to the other subject of this entry. ok as you may have noticed i am currently going completely insane. i guess id better go do it quietly somewhere where nobody's looking.
8:37 PM
Sonntag, Mai 11, 2003
okay, brownie skills day was definitely the most intense leadership experience of my life...forty hungry girls pulled out of trust games and the dinner people arent ready for them and the 'helper troop' is off somwhere being decidedly unhelpful and the leaders are looking on annoyedly...starting a repeat after me song from when i was little assuming that i still know all the words and then getting half way through it to realize that i in fact do NOT...trying to teach forty-five girls how to tie knots i dont really know in the dark...temporarily being solely responsible for keeping two fires from dying and teaching the girls to play 'a what? a fork' at three different locations all at once...dealing with THAT TROOP at all...everything was difficult, but we pulled it off ridiculously well...i was totally proad of all three of us, and i think kelley and rebecca really were too...talking about it before going to sleep, we were all amazed at how well it all came out, even if just by the skin of its teeth...the younger girls definitely loved us, too, even if i now have to worry about whether my little groupie has actual friends at school...yeah. we definitely deserve our leadership awards for this, ubt im still gonna have a good ten or fifteen hours to fill. oh, and in case youre interested in my recommended solutions to the above problems, here they are: teach the hungry girls to sing the 'ich habe hunger hunger hunger' song and encourage them to get really mad about it; make up some thinly plausible words that at least rhyme with the rest of the song and rely on kelly to quietly convince the brownies that the ending made sense; let most of the knot-tyers go make smores instead and then try to battle your way through one knot (though i really shouldnt have picked the bowline...) with the rest of them; run over to the fires between shifts, until sharon turns out to have a good ability with fires; pretend its not happening. lol i really will hav eto tell frau about the ich habe hunger song...it may well have saved my life, and it certainly saved a large portion of my dignity. good times though. i actually really feel like i learned a lot. one of the mothers actually even told me she thought i was doing a wonderful job and was i thinking of going into teahcing (to which i thought 'hell no' but didnt say so)
12:16 AM
Freitag, Mai 09, 2003
ap test today...not much left to say about it...im all talked out. maybe later, but probably not. it ocurred to me today that it is not entirely unthinkable that i could make fciacs this season in the two mile. i hadnt even been considering it as a possiblity for weeks, but if i get low 13s on teusday (like, real low single digits), and then we have a week of training and all, and then i jsut kick my ass and throw everyhting i have into the last race...12:50 is not beyond hope. i really wanna watch dont eat the pictures. first, bsd, then party. i wish it were summer. lol sam ortega sked me today 'what about you magiie....' boyyyys?' and i just laughed...'boyys...no, there are no boys for maggie at staples'. lol i wonder if she thinks im a lesbian now...hehe sometimes i wonder if half the school thinks we all are. thered better be summer boys, though, is all i can say.
12:23 AM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
